I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this will be a night to untag.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
