DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
