found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
