ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize