..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize