At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize