i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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