he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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