Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize