we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize