i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
