You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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