The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize