I just gift wrapped bread.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
