things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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