Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
