My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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