just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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