Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
