my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
