i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
