so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
