so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
