im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
