hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize