she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
