I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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