Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
