I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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