Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
