I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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