just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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