I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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