At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come share oat with me in your robe
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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