Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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