He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
