ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
