i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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