my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
