you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
