I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
