I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
