I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
