Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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