ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
