it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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