Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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