Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
