So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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