Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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