You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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