The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
