I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize