This girl is more easily done than said...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
