i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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