i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
