I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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