Don't you send me to vm
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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