so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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