she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
