Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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