Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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