Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
