Can i not drive my cunt home
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
