I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
