ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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